I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
