there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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