When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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