hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
