I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Say something about gay babies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
