I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
