You can't special order awesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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