You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
