Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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