so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
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I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon