worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY