allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life