Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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