My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.