zippers are such a cool invention
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.