Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.