I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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