Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
