dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
