First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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