So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
