John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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