ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
