How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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