By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
