every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
