Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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