i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
