Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
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