Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
