Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't deserve a penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
