His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
