pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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