If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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