Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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