surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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