Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
