They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
