i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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