so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
