New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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