A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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