Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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