I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
