Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
