i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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