wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
