My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
