If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
