this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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