it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
