OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
