My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
