dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
