Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
