I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
