Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
