fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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