Define "chronic" masturbator.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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