I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
