Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
