Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
