I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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