Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
