Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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