a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
