but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
