I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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