We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,