You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am