I think I am morally bankrupt
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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