Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
