I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
