you win again, gameday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
