You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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