I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
