This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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