Kiss
Puke
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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