he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
