glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
