So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
