The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.