Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet