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I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
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