im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire