it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.