Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
