Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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