im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
